This Week’s Toddler Talk

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Lately I haven’t been very good about documenting the funny things our kids say. Usually I laugh so hard and think to myself, “There is no way I’ll forget this conversation”, but then time goes on and I remember it was funny, and I remember most of it, but I can’t remember our exact words. That’s why I started this series. To better document memories and the funny things my children say, and to inspire others to do the same. But first, anyone else feel like the “Mommy brain” forgets too much? My own Mother has the best theory about “Mommy Brain” and I want to share it with y’all. When I have a forgetful moment, like losing my keys and then finding them in the refrigerator next to the milk, or forgetting where we dined for our anniversary the week before, her theory makes me feel soooooo much better. In the most generic terms, it goes something like this,

“The thing with motherhood is that you have to remember it all, every little detail for every little thing, YOU ARE the memory for your entire family, so sometimes things just gets shoved out. You simply have NO MORE space to remember it all! So don’t beat yourself up! You will forget things, but you are completely normal and to answer the question most mom’s think at least once in their lives, NO, you aren’t losing your memory! You’re just a mom.”

Thank you, Mom, for always putting things into perspective and reminding me I’ve got this mom thing. Now, let’s move on with some Toddler Talk.

–> Jack started a new preschool this year. During this conversation, we are driving to the school drop off and he isn’t very excited to go. Jack came up with a new and improved plan for preschool. 

Cupid: Mommy, I don’t want to go to school.

Mary Poppins: Awww buddy, it’s only for two and a half hours.

Cupid: Nooo, I miss you too much at school. (with the saddest puppy dog eyes)

Mary Poppins: I know lover, I miss you too but it’s good to go to school.

Cupid: (looking excited) Mommy, I have a new plan. Do you want to hear?

Mary Poppins: Sure buddy. What’s your plan?

Cupid: How about you are my teacher? We can have pweschool (preschool) at home and I can learn with you.

Mary Poppins: Well, that is a smart idea but won’t you miss all the friends you are making? What about the great art and science projects? And the fun music teacher?

Cupid: Nope. I won’t miss my friends. You can be my teacher, my Mommy, and my bwest (best) friend. We can set up stations for art and science, and we already have music instruments and a Kaaweeoki (Karaoke) thingy, so that’s easy. Plus, I can have peanut butter and jewee (jelly) for lunch at home. Let’s just do pweschool at home! Okay, Mommy! (huge smile)

Mary Poppins: Ohhh Jack, mommy loves you and you are so smart.

–> Jack is OBSESSED with the shows Octonauts and Paw Patrol and wants every toy that involves these cartoons. He has developed a strategy to get all these toys.

Cupid: Mom, I want all the Octopods for my Playset and the Barnacles Steering Deck, and I want the Paw Patroller, and can we buy the Paw Patrol Leappad game. I want all the toys that my friends have!

Mary Poppins: OK these sound like fun toys, but you just had your birthday and received many great toys.

Cupid: I knooow (in a whiny voice) but I weally (really) want these toys too.

Mary Poppins: How about we put them on your Christmas list?

Cupid: OK (thinking for a minute)…Mom, how about we have more lists? We can have a Halloween list, a Christmas list, and ohh we need a Fall list. Remember how we just celebrated the first day of Fall? So we need a list for that too!

Mary Poppins: (laughing) Jack, are these lists for your toys?

Cupid: Yes, I can have different lists for all the holidays, so we can get all the toys.

Mary Poppins: (cracking up) Jack, we only get gifts on our Birthday’s and Christmas. Sometimes Easter, but we don’t do lists for every holiday.

Cupid: (disappointed) What? So my only lists are Christmas and my Birthday? But, I like more lists! Can’t we just make more? How do I get those toys?

Mary Poppins: Giggling because if I were a toddler this makes complete sense! Just create more lists and then the toys come. LOL!

This Week’s Toddler Talk

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We have some pretty exciting news to share! Yesterday we brought home our 9 week-old french bulldog. We named him, Louie! The kids call him “King Louie”. We are head over heels in love with this sweet boy, and I can’t wait to share some snaps of him soon.

If you are new to this series, then take a look at the first post for some color. I gave each family member a nickname, all in good humor, and to share a bit about their personalities. I adore the funny things kids say, and I found myself documenting our conversations, so it made perfect sense that it become a series on the blog. So, here is This Week’s Toddler Talk.

—> It’s the end of the day, and Audrey is tired. Instead of our usual bath, I want her to take a quick shower, so that we can get ready to go to bed. Audrey isn’t loving this idea, and we are quickly going into meltdown mode. To help prevent toddler tantrums, I invented a “pretend” reset button that the children have on their bodies. When one of the kids get upset, I try to distract he/she, get a little silly, and talk about hitting the reset button. The reset button can be anywhere on their body..this is an important part of my reset button strategy. Often they like to make up a new spot for the reset button, then they pretend to turn it on and off, we all laugh, and voila –> meltdown has been forgotten, and we are back to a happy positive behavior. Anyone else do things like this? I’m guessing yes, and would love to hear what works in your house. Anyhow, the below incident went a little different than I was used to. Here it goes. 

Mary Poppins: Audrey, we are going to take a quick shower, because we don’t have time for a bath tonight.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: What? No, I don’t like showers.

Mary Poppins: I know, but we will make it fast. (I undress her and she is starting to yell).

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Mom, you are the worst!!! I don’t like showers!! I want a bath.

Mary Poppins: (Trying to keep my cool, and ignore the approaching meltdown). Hurry up and hop in, Audrey.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: I don’t like this, AHHHHHHHH!!! (lots of yelling, arms thrashing, and boom –> we are in a full-blown tantrum)

Mary Poppins: Audrey, let’s hit the reset button. Where is the reset button today?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Mom, there is no reset button today!! Get me out of here!!! (more yelling)

Mary Poppins: Come on, let’s change that attitude. Is the reset button here? Here? Should we hit it twice? (trying to be silly).

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Mom!!!!! (she hollers) The reset button is broken. It’s broken forever, and there is no reset button on humans. Stop talking about the reset button, it doesn’t work! Buttons are on toys not kids!! This is annoying!!!!

And just like that, the reset button is retired, and my daughter sounds like a teenager. Truth, I had a slight blow to my mommy ego. I was proud of that distraction strategy, but when your five year-old calls you out, then it’s time to come up with a new strategy. That’s the beauty about children, they keep growing up, and love keeping us on our toes. 

—> Jack and I are at the park. Jack has found his competitive side, and ALWAYS has to win.

Cupid: Mom, let’s race! (huge smile)

Mary Poppins: Okay, sounds good.

Cupid: Okay, I’m going to say WEADY (ready), SET, GO, and then we race! (he is so excited)

Mary Poppins: Okay, I’m ready.

Cupid: WEADY, SET, GO!!! (we both start running, and suddenly Jack stops, throws his hands up, and starts yelling). Mommy, you can’t start running right away!

Mary Poppins: Wait, why? You said to race after you yelled, WEADY, SET, GO.

Cupid: (with an annoyed voice) I know, but you have to wait until I run ahead, then you get to go.

Mary Poppins: Oh, okay, I can do that.

Cupid: Okay, let’s do it again. WEADY, SET, GO!!! (I stay back and let him run ahead a bit, then jog slowly catching up to him, but not passing him). NO!!!!!!! Mommy, you can’t come up this close! Stop! (puts both hands straight out, directing me to stop)

Mary Poppins: Jack, are we racing? I was just trying to race with you. (trying not to laugh at his seriousness)

Cupid: Mom, we ARE racing, but you need to walk. I run, okay!?

Mary Poppins: So let me understand? We are racing, but I have to wait a minute to start, you get to run, but I have to walk. Are these the rules?

Cupid: Yes, mommy because that’s how I win. I always win when we race, okay?! Follow the rules, Mommy! (he uses the same tone as I do when I say that to the kids…and I’m trying so hard to keep a straight face)

Mary Poppins: Okay lover, let’s race, and I’m guessing you are going to win. (he smiles big and proud because I understand his rules now, lol)

This Week’s Toddler Talk

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After two weeks off, we are back in the swing of school and work. HALLELUJAH! Was anybody jumping with joy when they dropped their kids off at school last Monday? I’m not even sure the car stopped moving before I shoved, I mean nudged, the first toddler out. After I dropped the second little human off, I cranked my radio up and sang my heart out wearing pajamas and the biggest smile. It was like Christmas morning, but for me this time!

For those who are new to this series, check out its first post, which explains the nicknames. I wanted to bring a little humor and insight to the personalities of our family. All in good fun, of course. So here we go with two recent interactions that had me giggling.

—> Audrey and I are driving in the car, per usual, because I’m a chauffeur, eh um..I mean mom.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Mom, is my bagel spicy? Because I have more of a spicy tooth, right?

Mary Poppins: You mean savory? You have a savory tooth.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Yeah, that’s what I meant. Jack has a sweet tooth and mine is savory.

Mary Poppins: Yes, that’s correct. You tend to like foods that are more savory, salty or citrusy. Jack likes sweets more than you.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: So which tooth is the savory one? Is it this one? Pointing to her front tooth. Or is it a tooth in the back of my mouth?

Mary Poppins: Giggling. Well sweetie, none of your teeth are actually sweet or savory. It’s a figure of speech.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Looking confused. What’s a fig of speech? Aren’t figs a fruit? That makes no sense mom.

Mary Poppins: No, figure of speech. It’s an expression. It means that your taste buds prefer certain types of food. Did you think it meant you had a tooth that was actually salty?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Yes, hahaha! That’s silly!

—> Jack and mommy are checking out at Target because when aren’t we checking out at Target.

Cupid: Roarrr! Roarrr!

Mary Poppins: Are you being a lion?

Cupid: No I’m a scary monster. Roarrr! Turns to the checkout attendant and raises his arms up like a big bear. Roarr! Roarr!

Target Checkout Attendant: Oh boy, are you being scary? Talking to Jack.

Cupid: Yes, but I’m cute too. He says with a huge smile.

Mary Poppins: Laughing. Apparently I’ve been telling him that too much lately.

Target Checkout Attendant: Laughing. Well, you are pretty cute.

Cupid: Smiles. Yeah, I’m pretty cute.

All three of us are cracking up! Cupid finds this very funny, so he continues to tell all strangers how cute he is, for the remainder of the day. What a ham! 

The purpose of this series is to document the sweet and silly moments of toddler times. We hope to inspire other parents to write down their own memories which can be forgotten over time. It’s these little moments that make motherhood so special!

This Week’s Toddler Talk

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Lately, it feels like my children are growing up way too fast. If you read my last post, 10 Signs You’re Officially in Toddler Life, then you know what our household is like these days. Chaotic, but loads of fun! I’m sure many of you can relate. In the two weeks since I wrote that post, I find myself constantly thinking…

“How is it possible that they already seem smarter, bigger, and more mature?”

This post made me feel grateful that the kids still ask me a million questions a day. Or that they mispronounce big words, or use them in the wrong context. I get so much joy out of hearing the stories their imaginations create. Often those stories make no sense, but I’m the one person who can’t wait to hear them, and likely, the only person who understands what they are trying to share. That’s the bond we have as Mom’s. I love it, but the truth is, I’m a little sad thinking about the days they say everything perfect. So, without further ado, here is This Week’s Toddler Talk. I hope it makes you smile! If you missed the nickname definitions, read the first post of this series.

Cupid has the best hair. It has the perfect amount of wave and body. When The Devil Wears Spiderman hits her teens she is going to be super irritated that her little brother landed locks that hold curl. But, thankfully we have time before that reality hits. In this conversation, this is the first morning he wakes up and notices his hair in the mirror. 

Mary Poppins: Good morning lover. (Cupid crawls into bed)

Cupid: Mom get up, let’s eat. First I need to use the potty.

Mary Poppins: Okay, I’ll come with you.

Cupid: (After using the potty, he stands on the stool to wash his hands. He looks in the mirror, and his face suddenly looks confused). Huh? (This is all he says).

Mary Poppins: What’s with that face love?

Cupid: My hair…it’s difficult!

Mary Poppins: (Surprised he even knows the word difficult). What do you mean it’s difficult?

Cupid: Look! It’s sticking up everywhere. It’s soo difficult! (Starts smashing it down).

Mary Poppins: Haha, that’s called bedhead.

Cupid: Oh bedhead? My bedhead is weeeally difficult.

 

On the way to school one morning.

Cupid: Da’ where are my brains?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (With great confidence) Well Jack, in your head.

Marry Poppins: That’s correct, Audrey.

Cupid: Oh, behind my mouth? (Points to his mouth)

Devil Wears Spiderman: Haha, no Jack! Under your hair in your head. It’s your mind!

Marry Poppins: Good explanation Audrey. That’s correct.

Cupid: Ohhh! How big are my brains?

Mary Poppins: Audrey, do you want to try and answer this question too?

Devil Wears Spiderman: Sure Mom, that’s easy. Your brains are…umm…(thinking) they are the size of tomatoes (Tomatoes are her favorite food).

Mary Poppins: (Giggling to herself). That was a tricky question, good try. But, your brain isn’t like tomatoes. A brain is similar in size to a cantaloupe. The average human brain weighs 3lbs, but can vary in size.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: How much is 3lbs? What does vary mean?

Cupid: Yummm, I love cantaloupe. Can we get cantaloupe, Mom?

Happy Wednesday all! Until next time!

This Week’s Toddler Talk

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The kids and I left the city for a week to enjoy swimming and warmer weather in Roseville. “The coldest winter I’ve ever spent is a summer in San Francisco”, said Mark Twain. He was a smart man. This couldn’t be more true! Aside from missing Daddy, we have enjoyed lots of watermelon and sunshine! Here are a few funny moments for This Week’s Toddler Talk. The last post of this series explains the nicknames given to each family member, so if you missed it, click here to catch up.

The kids share a room, so bedtime can be interesting, to say the least. The Devil Wears Spiderman is usually ready to sleep, while Cupid is often wild and being a little stinker. Like many nights, we watch the kids on dropcam, which provides more comic relief than reruns of Seinfield. On this particular night, Cupid was in his bed, singing, and talking about Spiderman and Batman. The Devil Wears Spiderman was not amused.

Cupid: Batman is going to shoot his webs on you. Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (sounding like an annoyed teenager) Jack, Batman doesn’t have webs. Spiderman does.

Cupid: Oh, hehe. Spiderman shoots his webs at you. Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (getting mad) Stop! Stop! Don’t shoot those webs at me.

Cupid: (Giggling) Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (screaming) Mom!!!! Jack is shooting his webs at me.

Mary Poppins: (entering kids room) Audrey, the webs aren’t real. Go to sleep. Jack, leave your sister alone, and go to bed.

Mary Poppins leaves.

Cupid: Sho Sho. (giggles)

The Devil Wears Spiderman: JACKKKKKK! Stop it! I’m shooting back! Sho Sho! Sho Sho!

Mary Poppins: (enters room again) That’s enough! No more pretend webs. If you both don’t be quiet and go to bed, then I’m taking a privilege away.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: What’s a privilege? Where does it go when you take it away?

Mary Poppins: It’s something that gets taken away, when you can’t follow instructions or are misbehaving.

Cupid: Oh! Can you take Audrey away?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: No!!!! Don’t take me away!

Mary Poppins: (cracking up, but trying to hide it) Well, that isn’t exactly a privilege, Jack. Audrey you aren’t going anywhere. Go to bed. Love you both.

Another day. The Devil Wears Spiderman is sitting at the kitchen counter eating a peach. Suddenly, she spits her peach out everywhere.

Mary Poppins: Audrey, don’t spit your food out like that. You are five years old and too old for that.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: I’m not five! I’m four-and-a-half, Mom. Call the cops!

Mary Poppins: Did you just “Call the cops” on me? Where did you learn that?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Hahaha. Yep, I did. Call the cops! Call the cops!

Later that day. Driving.

Mary Poppins: Oh yikes!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: What did you do Mom?

Mary Poppins: I may have ran a red light, which isn’t good.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Hey Jack, call the cops on Mom!

Cupid: giggling and making siren noises.

Wishing you all a wonderful Thursday!