New Series – This Week’s Toddler Talk


Both of my children were gifted the cutest baby books at our baby showers. The kind where you document their weight and height, first tooth, and first steps. Confession – I’m terrible at documenting these things. I don’t know why, because at one point in my life I was an avid scrapbooker. Once I became a mother, many of my hobbies took a back seat to parenting, and I guess this was one of them. Although I’m not great about filling out their baby books, I am good at two other memory preserving skills. Photographing and journaling the funny and memorable things that occur during their childhood. Over the past couple years, Mike and I have discovered that toddler talk is one of parenting’s best gifts. The mispronounced words, the inappropriate words, and everything in-between often have us in stitches. Even when the day has gone awry, we can always count on toddler talk to make us laugh. So welcome to the new series, “This Week’s Toddler Talk”. If you have a toddler, have raised one, or even spent time with one, then you know that their curious minds and developing language offer up some pretty funny conversations.

For this series, I decided to give each family member a nickname. Something that represents them, and tells you a little bit about their personality.

  • The Devil Wears Spiderman – Audrey, our superhero obsessed 4.5 year old daughter. She already knows everything to know in life, cheats at Candyland because she must always win, challenges all rules, and will likely be the next Sheryl Sandberg. Aka “The Boss”.
  • Cupid – Jack, our 2.5 year old who loves everything about, The Devil Wears Spiderman, and worships the ground she walks on. Also known to give endless hugs, tell you your beautiful, and share his favorite snack or toy. Aka “The Lover”.
  • Mr. CEO – Mike – has similar genetic makeup to The Devil Wears Spiderman. All around kick-ass dad with a wicked sense of humor.
  • Mary Poppins – Kelly – lady who loves all things turquoise, enjoys a nice cup of coffee, often needs to give Mr. CEO and The Devil Wears Spiderman separate time outs, and likes to pretend that she has this mom thing down. Does not consider herself perfect-in-every-way, but sometimes wishes she had a flying umbrella.

Topic for “This Week’s Toddler Talk” – Body Parts

Like many toddlers, our 2.5 year old boy and a 4.5 year old girl are constantly inquiring about body parts. What do they do? What are they for? Why do girls and boys look different? So, it made perfect sense to start this series off with two recent conversations with Cupid.

Cupid is an early riser, almost always waking before The Devil Wears Spiderman. He usually runs down the hallway and climbs in bed with me. I wouldn’t usually share my sleeping wardrobe or lack of, but for this story, you need to know that I was sleeping in just my undies this particularly hot night.

(Sounds of little feet running down the hallway)

Marry Poppins: Good morning lovey.

Cupid: Hi Mommy. (climbs under the covers next to me)

Cupid: Ohh, are those your boobs?

Marry Poppins: Umm, Yes.

Cupid: Ohh, those are big. I like those!

Marry Poppins: Oh well, uh, yes..(laughing) they worked for Daddy.

Cupid: Oh Daddy likes boobs too?

Marry Poppins: Ha! Yes.

Cupid: Are these your buttons? (pointing to my nipples)

Marry Poppins: Well, not exactly.

Cupid: Oh, I’ll push them, do they turn on?

Marry Poppins: Hysterically laughing. Mental note that it’s time to always wear my nightshirt.

Later that afternoon during a diaper change.

Mary Poppins: Jack, let’s change your diaper

Cupid: Okay Mommy. (Lies down and off comes his diaper) Ohhh, it’s growing.

Marry Poppins: What’s growing?

Cupid: My stick (smacks his penis). It’s big.

Mary Poppins: Hmm, that’s debatable. Okay, let’s leave it alone.

Cupid: Hehe.. here is my big hole. (Sticks tiny finger in butt)

Marry Poppins: Okay Jack, that’s icky and where your potty comes out. Let’s not touch.

Cupid: hehehe! It’s where my bigggg poop comes out. Yuck! Oh Mom, this is my really wittle hole. (Pointing)

Marry Poppins: You have a really wittle hole?

Cupid: Yes, right here on my big stick. See!

Mary Poppins: Oh yes, I do. That’s where you go pee pee. Good to know you are aware of your holes.

Cupid: Daddy has a big stick too.

Marry Poppins: Daddy would be proud that you think so.

Oh how I love the things they say. Happy Wednesday!


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