This Week’s Toddler Talk

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The kids and I left the city for a week to enjoy swimming and warmer weather in Roseville. “The coldest winter I’ve ever spent is a summer in San Francisco”, said Mark Twain. He was a smart man. This couldn’t be more true! Aside from missing Daddy, we have enjoyed lots of watermelon and sunshine! Here are a few funny moments for This Week’s Toddler Talk. The last post of this series explains the nicknames given to each family member, so if you missed it, click here to catch up.

The kids share a room, so bedtime can be interesting, to say the least. The Devil Wears Spiderman is usually ready to sleep, while Cupid is often wild and being a little stinker. Like many nights, we watch the kids on dropcam, which provides more comic relief than reruns of Seinfield. On this particular night, Cupid was in his bed, singing, and talking about Spiderman and Batman. The Devil Wears Spiderman was not amused.

Cupid: Batman is going to shoot his webs on you. Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (sounding like an annoyed teenager) Jack, Batman doesn’t have webs. Spiderman does.

Cupid: Oh, hehe. Spiderman shoots his webs at you. Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (getting mad) Stop! Stop! Don’t shoot those webs at me.

Cupid: (Giggling) Sho Sho!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: (screaming) Mom!!!! Jack is shooting his webs at me.

Mary Poppins: (entering kids room) Audrey, the webs aren’t real. Go to sleep. Jack, leave your sister alone, and go to bed.

Mary Poppins leaves.

Cupid: Sho Sho. (giggles)

The Devil Wears Spiderman: JACKKKKKK! Stop it! I’m shooting back! Sho Sho! Sho Sho!

Mary Poppins: (enters room again) That’s enough! No more pretend webs. If you both don’t be quiet and go to bed, then I’m taking a privilege away.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: What’s a privilege? Where does it go when you take it away?

Mary Poppins: It’s something that gets taken away, when you can’t follow instructions or are misbehaving.

Cupid: Oh! Can you take Audrey away?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: No!!!! Don’t take me away!

Mary Poppins: (cracking up, but trying to hide it) Well, that isn’t exactly a privilege, Jack. Audrey you aren’t going anywhere. Go to bed. Love you both.

Another day. The Devil Wears Spiderman is sitting at the kitchen counter eating a peach. Suddenly, she spits her peach out everywhere.

Mary Poppins: Audrey, don’t spit your food out like that. You are five years old and too old for that.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: I’m not five! I’m four-and-a-half, Mom. Call the cops!

Mary Poppins: Did you just “Call the cops” on me? Where did you learn that?

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Hahaha. Yep, I did. Call the cops! Call the cops!

Later that day. Driving.

Mary Poppins: Oh yikes!

The Devil Wears Spiderman: What did you do Mom?

Mary Poppins: I may have ran a red light, which isn’t good.

The Devil Wears Spiderman: Hey Jack, call the cops on Mom!

Cupid: giggling and making siren noises.

Wishing you all a wonderful Thursday!

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